Not Allowed

"Can i I watch the TV?", asked little Johny from his dad.
"Sure, but you're not allowed to turn it on" dad replied.

Saying 'P'

You would be surprised to know that I know three Things about you:

First: For you, saying "P" is impossible without touching your both lips.
Second: You just tried uttering "P".
Third: You're smiling now!

Laughing

Mother: There are lots of noises coming out from your room. With Whom you are laughing with?
Her: Nobody is here. It's just my laptop.

Understanding Taxes

What should I do. y kid just don't understand taxes.
You should be practical. Like, you give them example of taxes by eating 35% of their ice cream.

Future Tense

Miss: I killed a person with my car - Convert this sentence into future tense.
Kid: The future tense should be "I'll be in jail"

Chasing Girls

Q: Why do men chase those girls, they have no intention of marrying?
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Controlling Anger

Man: I noticed that whenever I shout on you or slap you, you never fight back. Even you don't try to prove your pint? How you manage your anger?
Woman: I just take a deep breathe, go to the toilet, clean it toilet with your toothbrush.