More mistakes

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history: with the possible exception of handguns and Tequila.

Three places

Doctor, Doctor, my arm is broken in three places.
Well stay out of those places.
- Tommy Cooper

Taking Life Seriously

Why shouldn't we take life seriously?
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Same Boss.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

Anywhere

Why do they say flattery won't get you anywhere?
Because bribery works better!

Best thing

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Sliced!

Twice

What happens if you get scared "half-to-death" twice in a row?
You are dead scared!