Know your husband

Why do they call it a T.V. SET when you only get one?
They know your husband is on his way to buy another!

Any Sense

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers

Half-empty

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.

Character of people

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
- Sam Ewing

Only shorter and Korean

My last girlfriend looked like Claudia Schiffer: only shorter and Korean.
- Max Kauffman

High-Five

Oops, my that was not intentional. I did not hit you, I just tried to high-five your face.

Clean Room

When I say I cleaned my room. I usually mean, I made a path from my door to my bad.