Make a tissue dance

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

Dialing 911

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Getting on my nerves

Sheila: That boy is getting on my nerves.
Rosie: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Sheila: That is what is getting on my nerves.

Bake cookies

OMG! I could bake cookies on you.. 'because you know, you're HOT!

Hard to find men

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Call 411

You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.

Help me

I can't find my kitten, can you help me find him? I think she went into this cheap motel room.

Great slogan

"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.

Victoria's SECRET

Q: Why do they call the brand Victoria's SECRET if the whole world knows everything about her down to her underwear?
A: I think the secret is she's a man!

Higher Studies!

Man: Sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
His friend asked: What are you doing
He replied: Can not you see? Higher Studies!!

Receptionist

Mr: I think we have met before?
Miss: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Master Degree

Why doesn't the black man have a job?
Because he's working on his masters degree.

Taking candy

What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Tossing the baby off a cliff.

Blood Boil

Do you know what really makes my blood boil?
Crematoriums

Lion Talk

Q: What did the lion say to the octopus?
A: Nothing, lions can't talk. Even if they did the chances of a lion and octopus meeting are very slim.

I Love Doing Everything

You know, I love doing everything. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I would love to punch in the face.

Success is like

Success is like pregnancy, everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got f.c.k.d. to achieve it.

Liking Most

Boy: What you like most?
Girl: Hmm..
Boy: Water?
Girl: Yes..
Boy: Thanks for liking 70% of me!

All Men are Same

The woman who invented the line, "All men are the same." was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

I would do anything

Leena comes to professor's office after school hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly & says "I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything!"

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything!"

His voice turns to a whisper. "Go and...study!."