Blood Boil

Do you know what really makes my blood boil?
Crematoriums

How many potatoes

I was having dinner with my boss and his spouse and she said to me, "How many potatoes would you like Tim?".
I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please".
She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite"
"Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow"

Brain is missing

Haha I am a virus and I am going to enter into your brain..
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry I have to leave, I can't find it.

Do you need company?

A girl was sitting at a bar. A man approaches her.
Hi dear. Wanna have a little company?
Do you have one to sell? Girl asks.

Chicken crossing the road?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Most probably to buy drugs!
or
To Escape North Koreas long rang missiles!
or
To meet your girlfriend!
or
Because you don't cook them!

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What do you call a running chicken?
Poultry in motion...

A deer with no eye

What do you call a deer with no eye?
Well - No idear.

Brighten the day

You know what really brightens my day?
The sun.