What's WRONG with me

A lady early in morning, rushed to visit her doctor. She was looking very much tensed and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....

With Your Wife

A man goes to a bar and asks for a beer.
Waiter replies: Sure Sir, Its cost is one cent." "One Cent?"
the man exclaims. He glances at the menu and asks: How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?
A nickel, the barman replies.
"A nickel?" exclaims the man.
Where's the man who owns this place?
The bartender replies: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asks: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replies: The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.

New French tank

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

Snowman with a vampire

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Make a tissue dance

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

Psycho path

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

The airplane

What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
Me!!!