Coolest, craziest and simplest

Whether you're sitting idle or busy in any project, you can always spare some minutes to relax your mind and soul. No, no you need not to put any special effort for doing it, because we're giving you some of the coolest, craziest and simplest jokes for this purpose. They are one or two line long so no crack them when you get a chance.

What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.

Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a pencil.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent.

Where do you find a one legged dog?
Wherever you left it.

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

Which is the most stupid animal living in the jungle?"
"The polar bear."

Q:What's grey?
A: A melted penguin

Why don't seagulls fly over bays?
Because then they would be bagels!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In little nazis.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A-buck-an-ear

I once farted in an elevator, which was wrong on so many levels.

What's green and when you get it stuck between your teeth, you die?
A tractor.

Get a Hole

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!

Guide to understanding a net addiction on various days:-
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.

The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.

Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.

Thoughtful and touching thing

One day, two friends play golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 29 years."

Belt get locked

Q: Why did the belt get locked up?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

Snowplow

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
By miracle!

Playing basketball

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Two pairs of trousers

Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
In case they had a hole in one.

Attracting a squirrel

How do you attract a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

Polar bears vote

Where do polar bears vote?
At the north poll!

Worker

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
!Oh snap!

The winner lose

In a marathon race what does the winner lose?
His breath!

School day

Basic school day..
Me: I hate all of you.
Me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk I'll die.

She screamed

What happened when helen keller fell off a cliff?
She screamed her hands off.

In Motion

Wine gives a man nothing it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.

Confession

They say that Confession is good for the soul, but I know that it is bad for the career.

Cheese

What cheese would you use for hiding a pony?
Mascarpone.

Anywhere

Why do they say flattery won't get you anywhere?
Because bribery works better!

Feel Glad

What do you do when you find an endangered animal that eats endangered plants?
You feel glad you're not it!

Help You

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

A cartoonist

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.