Incomes are like our shoes

Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.

Made my money

I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.

Ancient China

Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That's true, son.. Everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!!

Call 411

You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.

Milk a cow

Hey dude, I think you're so short that you could milk a cow standing up.

Chinese soup

What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup?
Won Ton.

Fart and Say

Americans fart and says- excuse me
Britishers fart and says - pardon me
Japanese fart and says - forgive me
Indians fart and says - not me